A COW IN THE BARNYARD
Out in the barn yard, where all
the cows lived, I noticed a brand spank'n new cow.
It was just my size, so I headed
for the barn yard to investigate this new arrival.
It seemed to be happy to see me
so we became friends first sight.
We ran around in all the muck from
the older cows for a short, while laughing and jumping about.
Me and that "new" cow was gonna
be bestest friends.
Then I got the bright idea to give
this little heifer the ride of her life.
I jumped up on her back and away
we flew. It wern't very far and it wern't very long.
The little critter, not over 3
days old, was'a jump'n all over the barn yard and bounced me right
off her back.
I landed head first right
in that nasty "muck" them other cows left behind. YUK!!!
I begun scream'm "moms", but it
was too late.
I hears a strange snorting commotion
not far away.
Yikes, it was "momma" cow and she
was mean'n some kind of business.
I picked myself up really quick
and headed for the barbed wire fence. I didn't exactly make it.
Momma cow sent me sailing right
through that old barbed wire fence.
Advice here is....
never ride a newborn "cow puppy"
whiles "momma" cow in the house.
This is my first terrifying experience
with alcohol and iodine and let me tell you right now,
that shit burns like fire.
THE FIRE HOUSE
Speaking of fire. Did I ever tell
you about the time.... I set the out house on fire.
Did I ever catch it good from moms
and it wasn't even my fault.
You see, the older boys learned
me how to roll a corn silk cigarette and smoke it.
The only paper I knew of was the
Sears catalog in the out house.
Matches from the kitchen, a little
bit of corn silk and a very mischievous kid.
What we have here is a disasterous
combination to have in an out house.
I got that fat sucker all rolled
up, struck up a flame and started puffing away.
Oh crap. Here comes Moms. Threw
the whole thing in the hole
and would you beleive...poof...the
whole damn place filled with smoke and flame.
Moms whooped me all the ways back
to the house after she pushed that old out house
over so's it wouldn't burn to the
ground. What did I learn from this lesson....
Never put burning material directly
on top highly flammable crumpled up Sears Roebuck catalog page materials.
WOODEN FOOT
One day, for some unknown reason,
the older boys was want'n me to play games with them.
I had no idea exactly what they
was up to, but I was a play'n little boy, ready for new adventure.
In no time we was all jumping head
long out the hay barn loft into a big ole pile of hay.
Then for some reason, what to this
day I still question, we was on the roof of
the smoke house runn'n round like
some "Superman" kids on drugs.
There weren't no hay, but there
was an big old lumber pile.
What could be so bad about that?
I took me a running leap, landing
right smack in the middle of that old lumber pile.
But now there was something not
right. I had this piece of wood stuck to my foot.
Naturally, I was screaming like
a banshee for "moms" to come quick.
Blood was everywhere and an old
rusty nail was sticking out the top of my foot.
The other boys were nowhere in
sight, poof....gone, as moms come running holler'n "OH MY GOD".
It was off to the doctor for the
removal of that piece of wood and that old rusty nail holding it to my
foot.
Actually the doctor might'a been
one them veterinarian doctors.
I remembers him wear'n them "bib"
overalls and hold'n a pair of pliers..
More that "fire" alcohol, iodine
and something I ain't never seen afore.
A huge ass needle what look like
one them cook'n baster things.
If I had known anything about that
needle beforehand,
I'd be walking around today with
that piece of wood still attached to my foot.