BIG SNAKES

Right through the farm was this little creek what was only a quarter mile from the house. 
That's where I found a lot of my "critters" what I took home to play with. That's where my sanctuary was at, the briar patch.
Well, one hot summer day, them big boys was headed off to go swimm'n, naturally without me. 
I went whinn'n to "moms" and behold, I was go'n swimm'n too. The old ugly dog was right on my heels as I 
was right on the heels of them big boys. I could hear them talk'n bout how they was gonna toss me in the creek and drown me.
I was gett'n pretty nervous by the time we reached the swim hole, but I was a "man" of adventure.
I put one my bare feet in the water to check the farenhite. You know, see how cold it were.
Yeah it was cold and weren't but a minute, I was tossed right slap in that freez'n water. After scream'n "I'm gonna tell moms"and 
try'n to get a breath of air, all settled down to fun. I never learned to swim, so's I was at the mercy of "big boys" and "the hole".
I was wad'n round up to my chin in freez'n cold water, flapp'n my arms like I was a professional swimmer when them 
big boys headed out of the water. "WHAT??? Where ya go'n? I can't swim"...I'm tell'n moms" That was when I seen why.
Here come a bunch snakes swimm'n too. They seemed to be hav'n fun, but I need out'a here. 
I was wad'n so fast even Jesus would'a been proud. Back on the bank, everything was gone. Clothes, big boys and that old ugly dog.
I done been had...busted...got even with.
Back at the house, moms was just laugh'n and hold'n her big belly.
I learned something that day...
never go swimm'n with bunch of barracudas.

CHICKEN FIGHT

We raised chickens what laid eggs for sale and sunday dinner. Well, I wanted to be a farmer just like the older boys, 
so's off to the chicken house I went with my little bucket..
 We had some mean old roosters that protected things in the chicken house.
I weren't no more than one step inside the hen house, where them "hen" chickens laid eggs in little boxes. Here come "big red". 
Feathers all ruffled up, squak'n something bout "get off my land" and lit square in my chest. Naturally, I started scream'n "MOMS".
She beat that poor rooster all the way to the dinner table. 
Next time I was off to collect eggs, I was carry'n a big stick and I was good with a stick.
I was now an official "egg collect'n" farmer.
 

HERE KITTY KITTY

If ya ever lived on a farm, ya go a cat. We had this big old "tom" cat that would'a make a lion cringe.
Been an animal lover that I am, I spent many wasted hours tormenting that poor old cat. He didn't sleep
anywhere he thought I might pass by. He would walk in a big circle just to avoid being within my reach.
I think ya get the picture. I loved that cat and he was gonna be my friend or else.
Well it came down to "or else". 
I caught him sleep'n close to the heater stove one cold night. I snuck up on him real quiet like, and pow,
I jump right on top him. You would'a though a "bob cat" been turn loose in a pack of bark'n dogs. 
He bit me, clawed me and scratched me, from my ankles to my head. I was a scream'n. I was in severe pain.
That cat done eat me up.
Moms went to work with her favorite dressing, alcohol and iodine. And a good talk'n to.
Pops, what ya won't hear much about, put that old cat in a gunny sack and down the road they went. 
Took him to Hawk Point, 10 miles away. Weren't a month gone by and there sat that old skinny cat on the back porch.
His attitude was changed and we was best of buddies from that day on.
 
 

THAT OLD UGLY DOG

If ya ever seen an "old ugly dog", ya know's what I'm talk'n bout.
We had one them "old ugly dogs" what spend most the day sleep'n under that front yard tree.
Don't remember what his name was, but I do know he was ugly. 
Scars, patches of mange and one eye what always look the same place.
He was a big old thing, bout the size a new borned cow puppy. 
He bark one them "hound dog" barks when a car come down the road.
But mostly he just lay there under that tree.
None the other boy would get no where's close to him, 'cause they was gonna get bit.
Some times he would be a dead sleep'n and for no reason, jus jump up, them teeth bared and be snarl'n at noth'n.
"Old ugly dog" would foller me everywhere I go, but he knowed I was gonna do something mean.
But I guess dogs are like that. 
Me and that dog went turtle hunt'n, fish'n, tree climb'n, blackberry pick'n, cow and pig chas'n and the funest of all, 
play cowboys and indians. He were the indian, what got tied up, shot, rastled to the ground, and almost burn at the stake.
One time we was up in a tree, me and that dog, eat'n persimmons. Gett'n him up there was a chore but he like them persimmons.
He bite into one them "green" ones and have ya ever seen a puckered up dog?
One bright sunshiny spring day, I spy'ed that "old ugly dog" sleep'n under that front yard tree.
Being the adventurous kind a feller I am, I snuck up in that tree real quiet like.
I was gonna be one them wild west rodeo stars and I jump right in the middle that sleep'n dog. 
Just like that cat, all hell broke loose. That old lazy ugly dog come alive, with them lips a flapp'n
Moms heard the commotion and come a runn'n with a broom in her hand, scream'n obsinities. 
That where I learn to "cuss"
Beat lumps all over that poor "old ugly dog" plumb into the cornfield.
After that day, me and that "old ugly dog" never went no where together again.
I was skeered of him and he was skeered of me.
 

CHICKEN DINNER

Since I was a chicken farmer now, I spent most my time in the chicken house. I met this little chicken what 
none the other chickens would talk to. She was kind'a puny like I was, so's we became best friends. Moms told me I could have that chicken 
if I would take care of it. Well, you know I take care of my animals. Me and that chicken went everywhere together.
We went to the briar patch and talked about everything. Like a best friend, ya know. 
We went to the creek to pick goose berrys what we shared at the cows salt lick. 
When I went inside to eat, that chicken was wait'n on me right outside the door. 
When it was time for bed, she would perch on the back porch patiently waiting for morning.
This went on for months till one sunday moring my chicken wasn't wait'n on me on the back porch. 
I looked all over. Call'n "chicken" "chicken", but no chicken. Where could she be?
Preacher man was com'n to visit that day and moms was busy in the kitchen all morning. 
When preacher man comes, we eat special.
Moms never said a word to me all the while she was a cook'n a special dinner.
When it was time to eat, moms brung out this big platter fresh cooked "chicken". 
That was the only chicken dinner I ever passed up eat'n.
 

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